Alcohol and Honesty

Irene, in her late 40s, had been in an out of treatment centers for years before consulting with me. When in treatment, she was fine, with no desire to drink, but once she returned home with her husband, Frank, and two adolescent children, it didn't take long before she was back to drinking. Even though she faithfully attended AA meetings, she could not stay sober once she returned home. She loved her husband and children and could not understand why she could not stay sober at home. Each time she went back to drinking, she would hate herself for her weakness, seeing herself as a deeply flawed, defective person. She believed that the problem was entirely hers - that her family had nothing to do with it.

"What changes regarding how you feel when you go home?" I asked her on one of our phone sessions.

"I feel trapped. I feel controlled and suffocated, like I can't be myself."

"What happens that make you feel so trapped?"

"I don't know. Frank is such a sweet and wonderful man, and I know that he really loves me. And I love him. I don't get what is happening that makes me feel so agitated and trapped."

I asked her if Frank would be willing to join us in a phone session. She was quite sure he would - that he would be willing to do anything to help her and help their relationship.

Frank was willing. In the first session Irene expressed to Frank her feelings of being trapped. Frank's response was to attempt to talk her out of her feelings by talking about how wonderful their life is. In this first session, I immediately felt Irene cave in and completely give herself up, saying nothing to Frank about how she felt when he didn't hear her and tried to talk her out of her feelings.

"Irene, in my experience, Frank is not hearing you at all and is trying to talk you out of your feelings. Does this happen often?"

"All the time," she answered. Frank immediately went into denial, saying that is not what he was doing and that it certainly didn't happen all the time. His voice was very firm and parental, as if he really knew what he was talking about. Irene went silent.

"Irene, what are you feeling right now?" I asked.

"I feel like I'm going to explode. I just want to get away and have a drink. I feel sick to my stomach."

Frank actually started to attempt to talk her out of these feelings and then stopped. "Do you really feel that way?" he asked.

"Yes, and I feel this way much of the time we are together."

"Why haven't you told me?"

"I am telling you right now and all you want to do is tell me that I am wrong and shouldn't feel this way!"

In subsequent sessions with Irene, I helped her to articulate all the things that Frank did that made her feel trapped and invalidated - and there were many. He would grab her breasts, no matter how many times she had told him that this didn't feel good. He would get judgmental when she wanted to spend time with a friend that he didn't like. He would even try to control what she wore. Invariably, Irene would cave in - and then drink.

Irene and I worked on her learning to speak up for herself and take loving action for herself - disengaging and walking away when Frank was discounting her, pulling on her, or judging her. She had always been afraid to hurt his feelings with her honesty because would be angry and withdraw for days when she did manage to speak up. I encouraged her to tell him that she would no longer be around him when he was angry and withdrawn, and then to spend time with friends, go on a little vacation with her kids, or pursue her hobbies when he acted out.

Once Irene started to tell her truth and take action on it, she found herself not wanting to drink. She was able to make the connection between her drinking and her abandoning herself in the face of Frank's controlling behavior.

Because Frank does love Irene, he was willing to address his subtle and overt controlling behavior. While it did not happen over night, Irene's drinking is no longer a problem for her.

Related Videos
Play Video How to Treat Alcoholism	Play Video How to Recover from Alcoholism	Play Video New Help For Alcoholics	Play Video What Is Alcoholism?	Play Video Dangers Of Alcoholism And Driving Intoxicated

Listed below are more articles related to the above article from the "Alcoholism" article category.

People interested in the above article "Alcohol and Honesty" are also interested in the related articles listed below:

 

Health Issues of Drinking Alcohol

Alcohol is an important component of many element of several societies for many years. Many believe that alcoholic drinks have flourished gatherings, parties, and other social celebrations. A number of individuals believe that alcoholic drinks should be served in social gatherings to give enthusiasm to certain events. Alcohol is produced when vegetables, fruits, or grains are fermented. Fermentation is a process which uses yeast or bacteria to change sugars in these items into alcohol. This substance is also used as cleaners and antiseptics.

Tips on How to Choose an Alcohol Rehab Center

Choosing the right alcohol rehab center is an important step and choosing wisely and well can actually help sustain the decision for recovery and make the recovery itself more successful. Make the decision based on the cost factor, the location of the facility, the philosophy of care offered, after care duration and nature of post rehab program, etc.

Alcohol Rehab Facilities: Inpatient or Outpatient?

It is not just a matter of where you lay your head to rest at night that makes outpatient alcohol rehab different from alcohol rehab center that offers inpatient facilities. With an inpatient facility one is required to commit to the program more totally; it offers a 24 x 7 residential facility that isolates an individual from the outside world. With an outpatient facility, one can actually carry on with their regular life in terms of work, school, family, etc.; it is part time so to speak.

Alcohol and Its Effects On Your Organs

The action of alcohol on the stomach is extremely dangerous that it becomes unable to produce the natural digestive fluid in sufficient quantity and also fails to absorb the food which it may imperfectly digest. A condition marked by the sense of nausea emptiness, prostration and distention will always be faced by an alcoholic.

The Stages Of Alcoholism

Could you recognize the stages of alcoholism in yourself, your friends, or your family members? If you are concerned that someone you know has an alcohol problem, then just knowing the four alcoholism stages could enable you to help that person quit drinking, and may even help you save their life.

Common Signs Of Alcoholism

Someone you love may be an alcoholic, and you don’t even know it. But knowing the symptoms of alcoholism, and the warnings signs people with alcoholism exhibit, will go a long way towards helping you get them the help they need.

Dangers of Alcohol - Save Your Life

Alcohol has many side effects including altering your perceptions, dulling your senses, hindering coordination, and blocking memory functions. If you continue to use alcohol heavily, you could experience stomach ailments, sexual impotence, heart and central nervous system damage, loss of appetite, and blackouts.